Last Stand of the 5th Crusade

Freedom or Free to be doomed...?

Journal 3: Post-imprisonment

I don’t know how long it will take me to assemble the shards of my mind that were shattered and scattered in that cell while I huddled and shivered in that fetid water. Perhaps it was Takk that allowed me to keep what sanity I could in those conditions. I know he is bound to me because of magic, but I think of him as a friend, and his playful skittering made me chuckle when I needed it, and his stinger kept the worst of the rats at bay when I tried to rest.

What do the others think of me? What does Keeya think? I was helpless to stop our capture, and useless when it came to protecting Nelethiel. I hope Neleryn will forgive me for intervening with the guards on his behalf. He never asked for help. And I’m sure he’d suffer a hundred brands across his body to have his beloved sister alive once more.

I was scared when the earth began tremoring and the screams of a besieged city filtered down even to my cell. But, and I will admit it to no one, a part of me smiled when I imagined the pain, fear, and injustice that the guards must have experienced once the demons breached the walls. It’s petty and terrible, I know, but I am mortal, and mortals are far from without moral fault — even coming from Promise. I will try to control my emotions better. Strive to maintain an even keel when things are most dark and terrifying. It’s the only way I will survive mentally and emotionally, and surely the only way I will have a chance to protect my friends and beat back the forces of Chaos.

Balance must be restored! The Worldwound must be closed!

Auctus seems to have become close to these Riftwardens. I must ask him to help me approach them for guidance, explanations, supplies, and magic. Yes, magic. We need much of it. As much as can be given or gained.

I do hope Neleryn will change his mind and join us. I think his mind will be safer amongst friends than strangers or, worse, alone. I fear that he might take his own life if not engaged in a bigger pursuit.

The Fall of Kenebres has been described to me by my fellow Hermeans, the sights, the sounds, the stench — but it still seems so unreal. So much power and hate unleashed on this city. I have no love for Kenebres — in fact, I do hate this city. Yes, I do. But I would not have seen it razed to the ground and its inhabitants eaten, enslaved, diseased, and befouled.

I must get it together, and quickly. Mother and father are counting on me to do what is necessary for Promise and all of Golarion. And they had faith in my abilities and my tenacity.

So, I will study the spell book of the mad wizard Millorn that Riva brought to me. And I will get what I can from the Riftwardens. And I will take whatever time I have to scribe scrolls for the upcoming battles we surely face.

And if I die, I hope it is in the battlefield and not rotting in a cell like the one I just left.

Comments

Oooh boy. I’m noticing a lot of conflicting impulses here. Either Kyrk is depressed and broken over his current state, or he’s manic about magic this and Worldwound that. I’m curious to see how you develop this.

Nicely done!

Freedom or Free to be doomed...?
 

I’ll write a follow up post to try to shed more light on his mental state. He is currently suffering from some level of PTSD though not full blown depression. If he doesn’t manage the PTSD well and his feelings about nelethiel’s death, it could turn into depression.

And I need to show that Kyrk recognizes that he made poor decisions with the guards. He is like a recruit from school who then goes directly into battle and everything he thought about what should happen didn’t happen. It’s very traumatic and disorienting.

He definitely is not manic about magic. He feels it is the only way for balance to be restored and Kenebres and the world to be protected though. Maybe I have given the wrong impression in my emails when I play around with “magic! magic!” That’s just me not Kyrk.

He wants to acquire power but not just for powers sick. He still wants it to be in service of good/balance.

Freedom or Free to be doomed...?
 

I think you did a fine job describing. What you said here is pretty much the impression I got. I didn’t mean that I thought that he was actually depressed — just that he was having an understandably hard time putting himself back together after that ordeal.

As for manic … well, he does seem to have a very high regard for magic’s power to solve most or all problems. Maybe not quite manic, but extremely enthusiastic. :-)

Freedom or Free to be doomed...?
 

Ok good. Thanks.

Yeah, he’s naive about even the power of magic in a world where social and physical power can be as important or strong (at least in the long run).

Freedom or Free to be doomed...?
kolohe42

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